A Case for Chicken Rendang

Since making a return to social media, my timeline was inundated by the furore which followed the ousting of a Malaysian contestant of Masterchef UK. Apparently, Madam Zaleha’s Chicken Rendang, which accompanied the ubiquitous Malaysian Nasi Lemak, was not up to scratch.

In case you haven’t seen this, here is a snippet of the episode:

Source: Galvintan.com

This was followed by a social media backlash, primarily from Malaysians who felt Madam Zaleha was unfairly ousted for executing a rather complex dish, and not incorrectly. Skin on or skin off aside, it would be impossible for anyone to get crispy chicken skin from a chicken stew. It defies physics. It defies common sense. It repulses Malaysians because if there is one thing that Malaysians care about, it is the unique cuisine we own from having a multi cultural, multi religious society. It’s sacred and it’s sacrilegious (even for hard core atheists) to bungle up and misrepresent heritage dishes.

That being said, I have struggled sometimes with introducing heritage dishes to non Malaysian friends. This is understandable; the flavours are usually complex, multi-layered and when spicy – renders the novice food taster limp and coiled in a fetal position, refusing any further spoonfuls despite coaxing and with boxes of Kleenex.

(This is also probably why Malaysians like a very sweet ‘teh tarik’ (pulled tea), as the sweet condensed milk usually helps salve some of the spiciness from sambals and curries.)

Other than flavours, the major complaint I get about quintessential Malaysian fare from the local corner shop is the state of the curries. Generally, I’m told it looks like “a hacked up chicken in gravy” and other things like “Who puts wings in a stew?!”. I get it; not everyone was conditioned to eat chicken bone-in. Despite my impassioned pleas that chicken bones help impart depth to Malaysian stews and curries, I was told it was a health hazard and “just quite disgusting”.

Having moved out to the Bay Area, and occasionally lusting after Malaysian delights, I was like a kid in a candy store when the shops stocked red chilies. I mean, I was really chuffed.  This meant I didn’t have to search fruitlessly across the internet for instant ‘sambal tumis’, a Malaysian staple with nasi lemak and a versatile condiment served on the side or used as a base to cook a variety of dishes, such as Sambal Fried Rice or spicy stir fries. Armed with a bag full of chilies, overpriced shallots, an over supply of Arbol chilies and lemongrass I would embark on creating a stock of ‘sambal tumis’ to rival the apocalypse. I also used the ‘sambal tumis’ to make Chicken Rendang – and instead of “hacking a bird” (which I’m really not adept at, even with a Chinese meat cleaver) I prepared a few beautiful breasts, daintily portioned with a paring knife.

So, in showing solidarity with Madam Zaleha, I am sharing my own Chicken Rendang Recipe here – if you dare to attempt it. 

Disclaimer: This is “ferociously spicy”. Please do not attempt to prepare the chilies with your bare hands – you have been warned. This is a laborious dish to make, and you will succeed and when you do, you will most likely collapse onto your sofa and think “Damn, how did that woman do it in record time AND make an omelette?”

Here’s to you Madam Zaleha – Hidup Malaysia!

Melly’s Chicken Rendang

Aromatics (Blitz in a blender)

1 large shallot

2 cloves garlic

2 inches aged ginger – skinned, pounded (or 1 inch ginger, 1 inch galangal)

1 large lemongrass

Dry spices (toast all whole spices)

1 cinnamon stick

4 cloves

2 whole star anise

6 cardamom pods

2 tsp coriander powder or 1 tsp coriander seeds

1 tsp turmeric

1 tbsp chili powder (optional for added spiciness)

Seasonings & Other Ingredients

100ml peanut oil/grapeseed/sunflower oil for cooking

3 tbsp ‘sambal tumis’ base

100ml thick coconut milk*

100ml standard coconut milk*

50ml chicken stock

1 ½ tbsp ‘kerisik’

1 tsp tamarind paste/concentrate with 1.5 tbsp water (comes in a jar, looks like molasses)

2 tsp sea salt

1 ½ tsp brown sugar

600gm chicken meat, breast cut into 1.5 inch pieces (about 4-5 portions per breast)

200gm potatoes, skinned and cut into 1 inch thick chunks

*Tinned coconut milk is thick in nature. Spoon directly from the tin for the thick version, and then add an equal amount of water to milk to make the standard version. Therefore, you’d really need 50ml of thick coconut milk to 50ml of water.

Method

Heat a wide pan or wok. Once the pan is hot, introduce your cooking oil and wait until the oil is heated through. Stir fry aromatics until fragrant, and onions softened. Add dry spices, stir fry for 5 minutes until you detect the fragrance then add ‘sambal tumis’ base to combine.

Reduce to medium heat. Stir gently until the paste separates from the oil, and the oil begins to take colour. The aroma of spices should be significant at this point. Add potatoes and coat them with the chili paste. Gently stir for 5 mins to ensure the chili paste doesn’t stick to the pan and burn.

Add chicken and coat with chili paste. Continue to stir and cook for 10 mins; add chicken stock to combine. Add thick coconut milk to the pot and stir, reduce heat and simmer for 15 mins. Remove chicken pieces and add standard coconut milk, kerisik, tamarind paste, salt and sugar to complete the gravy. The gravy should now take on a caramelised, darker hue. Taste and adjust seasoning (salt, sugar, tamarind paste) to your desired balance of sweet, savoury and tangy. Continue to simmer the sauce for another 20 mins, stirring regularly to ensure it doesn’t burn or stick to the pan.

Re-introduce chicken to the pot, stir to combine and continue to simmer until the gravy is reduced to a thick consistency (approximately 10 mins).

Serve hot with coconut rice or turmeric rice.

UPDATED: Beef Rendang

To make a Beef Rendang, use the same amount of ingredients and weight of meat. You can use up to 2lbs (a little under 1kg) of beef with this recipe, but you will need to increase:

1. Sambal Tumis – 6 tablespoons
2. Chicken Stock – 200ml

There’s less liquid in beef so you’ll want to keep an eye on liquids to ensure the paste doesn’t burn at the bottom of the pan while cooking the beef and potatoes.

Sambal Tumis

100ml grapeseed/peanut/sunflower oil

20 fresh red chilies, deseeded and chopped

5 large or 12 small shallots (portion equivalent to 2/3 of the chilies), sliced

3 cloves of garlic

30 dried Arbol chilies, deseeded and soaked in hot water (portion equivalent to fresh red chilies)

2 stalks of lemongrass, bruised

3 tsp tamarind paste/concentrate with 1.5 tbsp of water (comes in a jar, looks like molasses)

2 tbsp brown sugar

1 ½ tbsp sea salt

3 fresh kaffir lime leaves

Zest & juice of 1 kaffir lime

Method

In a food processor, blend the shallots and garlic into a paste. Separately process the fresh red chilies and soaked Arbol chilies into pastes, respectively.

Heat a wide pan or wok. Once the pan is hot, introduce your cooking oil and wait until the oil is heated through. Stir fry onions and garlic until onions are soft. Add blended Arbol chilies, and gently stir for 10 mins to cook the chili. Then add the blended red chilies, kaffir lime leaves and lemongrass, and cook for another 10 mins until the chili paste starts to separate from the oil, and the oil begins to take colour. Season with sugar, salt and tamarind paste. Taste the sambal to ensure you have the right balance of sweet, salty and tangy (adjust where necessary).

Finish with kaffir lime zest and juice. Enjoy as a condiment on fried fish, chicken or egg with rice.

Note on storing: Leave to cool before storing. Sambal is good frozen up to 6 weeks, or 1 week in the chiller. Always scoop sambal with a clean spoon so as not to contaminate the remaining sambal in storage container. Not suitable to be microwaved and re-frozen. Frozen sambal should be thawed in the fridge, then gently reheated in a pan.

Kerisik

50gm unsweetened shredded coconut

Special equipment: Mortar & Pestle

Method:

In a non stick pan, gently toast shredded coconut on low heat until it is browned. You will notice the distinct aroma of coconut oil, and a slight sheen on your pan.

Once done, pour the still toasty coconut into your mortar and begin alternating between light pounding and grinding (moving your pestle in a circular motion around the base of the mortar) to break down the toasted coconut. It should slowly begin to resemble a caramelised, coconut butter. Continue to grind until your shredded coconut has been reduced to a runny paste, transfer to a bowl/container and leave in the fridge until you are ready to use it. Kerisik can last up to 3 days in the fridge and will solidify.

Footnotes:

‘Kerisik’ is mandatory if you are making rendang. The toasted coconut paste adds body to the dish, and aids in the richness of the gravy unlike a standard curry. Omit at your own risk (or disappointment).

‘Sambal tumis’ is essentially cooked down chilli paste. My recipe calls for this because I like to make things a little more complex, with a lot more flavour and I need to use the stash I have. If you really can’t be arsed to make it, feel free to replace it with 3 tbsp of ground chili powder mixed with equal amounts of water. Mix into a paste and hey presto! you have a substitute.

That being said, ‘sambal tumis’ is really versatile. Malaysians love ‘belachan paste’, which is really fermented, dried shrimp. Not everyone else does, owing to the pungent smell and overactive imagination. You can de-veganise the sambal tumis by cooking it with meat in a stir fry (1 tbsp to 1 large or 2 medium chicken breasts will be more than enough). If you want recipes for those, leave a comment and if I gather enough requests I’ll write a few recipes!

If you prefer to hack up a bird, omit the chicken stock. As mentioned earlier, rendang is a stew and essentially the body of the gravy and depth benefits from stewing chicken bones. If you are cooking with a disembodied bird, cook for 40 minutes (instead of 10) then remove the chicken as per recipe and reintroduce later. What you want to achieve is tender, moist chicken but not like a grenade went off in your pot.

The Wondrous Thing Called Work.

Image Source: Keyin College, http://keyin.ca/program/welder/

Like me, you’ve probably read too often that famous cliché “Do what you love, love what you do”.

I’ve written already in the past why I think it is a clichéd, elitist concept but hey – feel free to wag your finger at me and quote Steve Jobs like you knew him from prom night.

2015 has been an extremely interesting and entertaining year as far as career lessons go for many people I know, myself included.Today in fact, was another one of those days. Let’s start with a story of a boy:

A boy finds a job doing what he loves but has trouble keeping up with the pace.

A boy encounters strife at work, and is easily upset.

A boy decides to quit the second time he gets a firm telling off by his superior for not keeping up to mark.

Here’s an alternative:

A boy finds a company where fun people work at and makes quick friends.

A boy finds the work hard to do, but doesn’t want to ask questions because he’s afraid he’ll look stupid. Instead, a boy will decide that he is safer concocting stories about what he’s doing and done, and use his relationships at work to cover his mistakes.

A boy is under tremendous stress after a telling off by his boss, and decides that he is better off without a job instead of a job with people who don’t sympathise with his problems.

So who’s right, and who’s wrong?

In a recent tele-drama, a policeman was ready to commit suicide for something he felt awful about. His colleague who was trying to talk him out of it, told him this:

“So you’re going to quit when things get tough. What will your kids think? That quitting is their only option because Dad quit. Well, eventually the tough times will come.”

Everyone quits for their own reasons, who are we to judge? Some things though – especially when it involves letting down the people who believe in you, who root for you despite – is downright frustrating. It’s not about being a quitter …. when you examine it whichever way, it’s about a person who lacks the integrity to face the music and overcome strife to become better.

It is about having the courage – even when you’re very, very scared – to face intensity and earn your stripes with grace.

It is about biting down and sticking your foot in – even when people tell you you can’t – because you won’t back away from liars and bullies.

It is about putting yourself through the rite of passage – no matter how many times you’ve done in all kinds of situations – so you can be a wiser, more capable, more enlightened person.

It is about a consistent desire for emancipation.

And that is more powerful and more meaningful, than just doing what you love. Especially when not everyone has the privilege to do what they love.

That is the real differentiator between someone who makes work wondrous and makes wondrous work.

Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” – Marianne Williamson

Thanks Craig Ballantyne for that wonderful reminder.

No money, no honey…

…and you can shelve those lofty dreams of being the next Virgin.

Nobody got better brand equity by treating their marketing as an expense instead of an investment. It’s not a commodity; it doesn’t depreciate. It needs to be nurtured and engaged. It needs to be given the empowerment to maximise its potential.

Empowerment is not just about freedom, it’s also about dollars and cents. You reap what you sow; some less others more.

Marketing is not a “part of sales”; it doesn’t function on a “tit for tat” economy. It is the lifeblood of a company, for much of it thrives in an implicit deliverables environment where the bean counters go to die. It’s why people wonder how brands are built, but can’t ever determine the science.

“You can’t manage what you can’t measure” is a lie, but many enjoy being lied to. Try measuring the worth of a child to their parents.

You can’t show up if you don’t dress up, and the dress is the show. Ask the Emperor with no clothes, we hear he’s rather familiar with that concept.

C.A.R.E.

Do you c.a.r.e.?

My friend who last inspired the ‘leadersh*t’ story came up with another golden nugget, but this time he gave the overused ‘acronyms for people who can’t grasp concepts’ a run for their money:

C  Cover

A  A$$

R  Retain

E  Employment

Having had to grind my teeth through another pointless acronym-overdosed, unimaginative ‘motivational’ session some months back I found this refreshing and at least, entertaining. After all, my friend is in the coaching business and this was simply fitting.

This brings me to another interesting observation this week: if you hire an architect to build your house, and by that you literally expect the guy to do it, you can’t be upset if it doesn’t quite get finished on time or if the plumbing doesn’t work. A lot goes on in the synchronisation of a project and its success hinges on the actors who prop up the sound, lights and sell the tickets. It is too easy for a customer – whether internal or external – to say “there is something wrong” but most of the time they can never quite figure out where it went wrong. This is why the gun is never given to the customer, but is usually in the hands of the architect (provided they were actually around throughout the entire project, and not having a pina colada whilst having pushed their responsibilities on to a contractor).

Several years ago I had a customer who would get into the pub early doors, for a couple of pints and light banter. John (let’s call him that) was very unassuming, hardly fussy and always had something interesting to say. In as far as I knew, the man ran several businesses one of which was a modest consultancy. During a conversation about management and running businesses, John gave me advice I’ll never forget (amongst others):

“Anyone can point out problems; people are programmed to look for faults in others, but only a good leader is able to step up to the plate and solve them.”

Inevitably you can identify problems and complain about it – but if you can find a way to solve it, you will earn respect regardless of what your title is for that day, week, month, year. Life will always present you with problems and people will always come to you with them (anyone who tells you “I hired you to do X, don’t come to me with your problems” is a prick – period) so escapism is only going to demonstrate that you either don’t have what it takes to solve it with them, or you just don’t know what to do anyway. Refusal to act reflects apathy and lack of conviction, and therein part carelessness.

So do you and your employees care?

The conundrum of the successful woman.

A certain subject has been raised and with quite some contention  recently (which I found rather intriguing, hence the blog moniker). So much so that crystalware would rattle, silverware would clatter and dentures set a-dancing. Of all things, it is that of “successful women”.

There is a conundrum apparently faced by successful women all over. Before we set off, perhaps it is worth defining who is a “successful woman”?

According to various sources, the common layman would define one as college educated, high-income earner that is more likely than not sitting in a senior executive position. They are also politicians, heads of states, entrepreneurs, scientists and influential do-gooders as per Forbes’ list (Forbes, 2014). Love them or loathe them, women are more influential today than ever and are changing the paradigms of long-held gender-based power perceptions.

Speaking of change, empowerment by example may have played a role in women’s mindsets about their purpose in life. Today in the U.S. women outnumber men in college enrollments (Pew Research, 2014) and they also outnumber men who graduate from college (CNS News, 2014) yet they are still not earning equivalent in wages to their male counterparts (Huffington Post, 2013). So maybe they’re not making the same pay cheques as men, but is money and power (gender regardless) the sum of life? The question is, with all the added benefits of a semi-progressed society where women can vote, get an education, drink beer by pint glasses, drive cars and (presumably) get any job her heart desires: is she happy?

Markus Buckingham certainly thinks so. The New York Times bestseller suggests that focusing on the present, accepting yourself for your preferences and permitting yourself to “live your strongest life” can help one break the stereotypical screams of society (i.e. the cliched ‘live a balanced life’). Happiness is of course, relative to each individual – someone’s prosciutto is always someone else’s sack of maggots.

“Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women” – Natalie Portman

Which brings us to the age-old concern of dating, marriage and procreation for the modern successful woman. It’s a conundrum because so much is being written and discussed about it and the bottom is line that the dating scene has vastly changed. ‘Dating up’, where women traditionally sought for an older, wiser, more affluent man is being muddied with new expectations that tips the scales. In one article an interviewee explains “But now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve seen the show. Men a few years older than me can’t impress me with their money or their experience, because I’ve got as much of both as they do. And that seems to throw a lot of them off.” Apparently, younger men are less likely to be pressured by time constraints and less intimidated by better educated and better paid female partners (Schwyzer, 2011). On the flip side, others opine that today’s women leave marriage and babies too late: that they’re losing out on the dating scene by focusing on themselves (i.e. education and career) in their 20s and getting on the desperate wagon in their 30s. By having rejected the ‘beta males’ in their youth and losing out on ‘alpha males’ who had their pick of the pack (but not selecting them), successful women in their 30s are finding the tables have turned on them with ‘beta males’ now being ‘good enough’ to marry but choosing younger women. It does not help when some infer that it is ‘karma’ and that successful women ‘deserve to be rejected for the hurt they caused’ (Arndt, 2012). Karma? Fascinating!

The latter article is disturbing though, much more by the comments it attracts. The fact that every day women around the world face violence and abuse for simply exercising her right to refuse is not acknowledged enough. The Tumblr account “When Women Refuse” chronicles acts of vengeful violence against women in this respect (Marie Claire, 2014). The inference, even in the smallest degree, that women deserve to be marginalised – or punished – for exercising their right to choose what happens to her life, is a touch shocking in today’s so-called progressed society. The patriarchial thumb, as it appears, still runs strong in many minds.

“Marriage is a great institution but I’m not ready for an institution” – Mae West

Finding purpose, accomplishing your dreams, being successful: apparently a disastrous mixture that will turn you into a bossy, snobby, un-marriageable bitch that should be left to rot with her Louboutins on the shelf for having ambition. The top ten worst stereotypes by Forbes (2014) says it all: ice queen, spinsterism, masculinity and manipulative are some of the most popular, misogynistic labels one will find. It would be rare when a man is slapped with such labels because one could easily replace them with “independence”, “ambition”,” empowerment” and “intellect”.

Probably most disappointing is when the people you love and trust most (or so it seems)- brothers, fathers, spouses and friends – think nothing of saying “Highly successful women are miserable bitches and need to get f-cked” in your presence but get all riled up when someone rolls their eyes and quips “Oh grow a pair already!” It seems as if there is fear of such women, which is peculiar seeing as “highly successful women” are still a minority by far (Forbes, 2012). Perhaps it is deep-seated insecurity that is driving misogynistic behaviour, or simply crude ignorance because unlike obvious violent actions (i.e. rape) it is hard to put into context the hurt caused by misogynistic behaviour for the uninitiated male. To say “What if it was your daughter who was raped?” would most likely get them off their seats faster than “What if your daughter was being humiliated for having ambition?”. Thankfully, there are many men who would come out with their pitchforks on the latter statement which gives us small relief that there is still, hope for mankind.

Sheryl Sandberg opines successful women are not well unliked (and ironcally drew criticism for being ‘out of line’), study suggests men feel worse when their female partners scored higher on an intelligence test (Bundrant, 2013) and cheat if their partners earn more or significantly less than them (Telegraph, 2010). The latter article though, notes that “just 3.8 per cent of men and 1.4 per cent of women admitted having an affair in any given year. Generally, infidelity is less likely among regular churchgoers and the well educated.”

Life is a series of choices

Photo from http://www.secondtimearound.net

Reeling from your shelf and crying into your Louboutins, yet?

Not all is lost, it seems.

 

Take it from Angela Ahrendts “‘Those are choices that everybody makes. I’m here to run Burberry and I’m here to be a really great wife to my husband. And we have three amazing teens so that’s three really big jobs. I don’t want to be a great chief executive without being a great mum and a great wife.” (Daily Mail, 2013) Although it is annoying that people need to validate that she is a “nice person” (one hardly finds this necessary with men) Ahrendts, Sandberg and Mayer give hope to young girls and women that you can have it all – but with a heavy dose of realism because you’re human, and that means making reasonable choices everyday. Does being successful hinder you from marriage, or relegate your chances to the only so-called ‘beta males’? Maybe a dash of poppycock, reports Collins (2014) as it comes as no surprise (to you and I, perhaps) that up to 52% of women marry or settle in a civil union with equal or more assets than their spouses according to the Bank of America Corp. It also comes as no surprise again that Chris Heilmann, chief fiduciary executive at U.S. Trust was reported as saying “Women are both wealth creators and wealth inheritors” and “They are bringing assets to a relationship.” One can then suppose the saying “Behind every great man is a is great woman” is not a farce, especially for the score of women who quietly, tirelessly and cheerfully picket their spouses successes (as inferred by the Bundrant, 2013 report). Gallo (n.d.) of Askmen.com wrote a wonderful tribute espousing (excuse the pun) all the wonderful reasons why a great woman is behind every great man. It is an excellent reminder of not, men vs. women, but what every ambitious spouse needs in their life. It makes many ambitious women want a wife, too.

This of course is not to say men don’t support their spouses: there are always many exceptions, even though we often read or hear of the less positive cases – Jennifer Aniston, anyone? (Parsons, 2013) (Levingston, 2013). Hymowitz (2012) delivers a more balanced view, interviewing working women and domestic househusbands to get a comprehensive perspective. Whilst some stay-at-home dads may be slightly perturbed by the clash of egos, many who opted for this lifestyle were mature enough to take it on warts and all, and with excellent humour “While my wife was battling the Republican head of the State Senate, I had a teenage daughter who was a more formidable opponent.”

Does “having it all” entail career, husband, kids, goldfish, semi detached and a spare pair of Louboutins? It obviously varies amongst people, gender-regardless. In a survey published by Citi and Linkedin “79% of men think that “a strong, loving marriage” is essential to the concept of “having it all,” while only 66% of women feel the same way. And over just the past 15 months, the number of women who don’t factor any form of relationship or romance into their definition of success has doubled.” (West, 2013). Somewhat surprising as it would have been generally assumed women would want to settle down and have kids in order to feel like they ‘made it’, or is that just another outdated social myth? Not quite dissimilar to equating the need for romantic relationships as a ‘human endeavour’ as if those who dedicate their lives to celibacy, or who have been less fortunate on the love front as somewhat more android than human.

“The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams” – Oprah Winfrey 

It takes great courage to admit that what you want out of life may not be prescribed norm, most specifically options that do not fit into the usual gender or cultural stereotypes. It is also not uncommon that the closer you are to achieving your ambitions the more the naysayers are going to crawl out of the woodwork and give you grief about it – ignoring your achievements whilst trying their hardest to see if you’re “nice”. Whoever wrote that nursery rhyme “girls are made of” be damned because the boys’ version is neither very pleasant nor accurate!

It takes greater courage to face your critics with grace and integrity, because they’ll expect you to fit into their “miserable, successful woman” stereotype. They’ll poke and prod you just to get it out of you, even though the truth is that the education and empowerment of girls is enriching half of the human race. An educated woman has the skills, information and self-confidence that she needs to be a better parent, worker and citizen (Unicef).

They’ll humiliate you and tell you you’re flawed even though you will make a better parent and spouse, with greater influence to secure resources for your children, financially support the family and are informed on family planning (UNFPA).

They may even attempt to abuse you, emotionally or physically for being educated and empowered to speak against domestic violence or barbaric practices such as genital mutilation and general discrimination. They want to do this because for every year of education secure, a girl delays marriage and the number of children she has but reduces her dependency on men, raises her children healthier and smarter, potentially reduce the spread of STIs and contributes significantly to the local economy (Women Deliver Inc.).

They will make you small, guilty and even regretful for having the gall to want more out of life.

They may chastise you for daring to dream.

They may even resent you for being born a girl.

It’s worth stepping back and acknowledging that “they” stand between you and a life you have been dreaming of. They, not you, may lack the vision to dream or the will to achieve.

They, not you, are most likely to be left behind by their cynicism and stereotypical perspectives.

So if you count yourself a “successful woman” (by any definition, not just this article) then congratulations. Pat yourself on your back and stop letting people make you feel bad about it. After all, everyone is entitled to feel blessed for all they have and to live their lives to the fullest – regardless of their gender, ethnicity or religion.

Survival of the Guerrillas

or making sense of modern-day economic struggles

So there has been a whole lot of brouhaha of late about increased cost of living in Malaysia. Sugar subsidies removed, petrol subsidies have been cut, parking rates in the city have gone up by 30% and there are expectations of increased toll rates, school bus fares and last I checked – dried mushrooms and anything to do with Chinese New Year has gone up by almost 100% compared to last year (last year we spent about RM 250 for ingredients used to cook traditional dishes, last week we coughed up RM 400 and according to Mum we bought a little less than usual).

Seeing how a night out with friends at a nice bar downtown is equivalent to a month’s rent these days, Kuala Lumpur city life is fast losing its lustre with rising costs. Foremost on people’s mind is adjusting their lifestyles to rising costs, which range from frustrating to downright depressing (especially when you have a young family or the elderly to care for).

So in the spirit of positive initiatives, I offer my Guerrilla Survival Tactics for Transitioning Lifestyles (Please note that this is all for fun. Should you find anything useful here that could possibly be life-changing then good on you. If you don’t, then I suggest you start working on your own list).

Eating Out Strategy: setting expectations

Let’s face it – dining at a restaurant is expensive anywhere in the world. If we’ve been spending willy-nilly in the past, it’s time to get serious about frequency and quality now. It pays (literally) to determine your expectations of quality and value before you eat out; actively review restaurants within those expectations. Prioritise them – are you looking for portion, variety or ambiance? Kosher or organic? These will help you narrow down what matters most.

Train yourself to master the tasting preferences of your favourite food items. This helps you determine which restaurants meet your personal standards of what’s hot and what’s not, which will make it easier for you to plan future outings. That way you can compare taste, portion, price and other supplementary services/variables to conclude your parameters.

I’ve come to determine a respectable restaurant should consistently get these items right: aglio olio, eggs sunny side up, baked/roast chicken, pan fried fish and chips.

You won’t believe how many of them get these basic items wrong (which incidentally screams “overrated” to me). Another consideration that is often ignored (because eating is such an emotional experience) is the “home made versus purchased” context of food. If you could easily and affordably make it yourself, why are you paying 100% or more for it?

Also, sharing meals can be rewarding: more people, more variety and you can spread the costs across by selecting mostly inexpensive dishes and maybe one star, top-dollar item that everyone can enjoy. Plus point: you have interesting conversation and won’t need to stare awkwardly at your phone throughout dinner or take selfies at the table (thus eliciting awkward stares from other diners).

Take No Prisoners: shopping habits

The entire consumer industry is designed to make you buy things you don’t need. Testament to this is the stockpile of random items left just before the cashier on most days; impulse items picked up and left before check-out for whatever reason. Start by taking stock of all your pantry items and planning the staples versus the “little luxuries” (let’s be fair, you got to indulge sometime. Oh and no, that special blend Tahitian vanilla bean dusting powder is NOT a staple product).  You’ll be surprised with how much unused or expired goods you have lingering in your cupboards.

Make a list of the essentials and STICK TO IT. Under no circumstances will you acquiesce to temptations of purchasing an extra-large bag of crisps or gardenia scented toilet detergent because the packaging called out to you. That being said, an allocation of 5% of your total grocery fund can be allocated for the “little luxuries” but not more. Remember, you need to stay tough!

Another important factor is where to shop: one research found that produce at Kroger and Target to be cheaper than Walmart 71% of the time. Again, priorities matter: some low involvement products can be purchased inexpensively (toilet paper comes to mind, unless your bum is sensitive to certain brands for whatever reason) whereas high involvement items such as baby food may take a little more effort in terms of price and availability comparisons. I find it more affordable to shop for low involvement items at hypermarkets and source fresh produce from local farmers markets. Specialty items are usually purchased from the Waitrose equivalent, but as I’ve mentioned in the study above you need to keep your eyes peeled for promotions wherever you go: I’ve gotten a great bang for my buck at specialty stores on promotional items.

When at war, eat well: And by this I mean “get all your daily 5’s” (or whatever it is you use as your barometer for healthful eating). Being on a budget just means you need to prioritise options better, and that is most likely skipping the extra-large peanut butter for fruits and dietary supplements.

Lifestyle Options: Bargain Hunting and Courtroom Negotiations

This is a no-brainer: some things are just going to go. That gym membership you keep renewing but which you hardly attend? Out. The monthly subscription fees for fitness magazines that haven’t helped you lose the 20lbs you aimed for since 2009? Who are you kidding? The seemingly inexpensive, unlimited broadband/cable/satellite subscription you thought would keep you entertained for hours, whilst your television sits there twiddling its HDMI port most of the week? Cut it down.

Ladies, I know you’re scratching the walls going “I can’t live without the salon visits!” and no, I’m NOT suggesting you stop (because really, gorilla legs will never come into fashion). You have two options: DIY (I highly recommend if you are single with no pets or children) or polish up on your bargaining and negotiation skills. First, make a price comparison for services that could be done DIY relatively easily (waxing versus home epilation) then go out and find the best packages out there. Many salons offer discounts for regular visits or a one-off package: you can save anywhere from 10%-35% on services if you look hard enough. If you have a regular trusted salon, speak to them about this: you may surprise yourself.

DIY can be fun: rope round a couple of girlfriends for a Makeover Night. Assign each person to study and recommend a DIY beauty technique that everyone can try (homemade facial and hair masks are fun) and while you’re at it you can exchange the latest news over homemade sangria and tapas!

As for the boys, well you know that Michael McIntyre sketch about your Man Drawer? Work it like the pantry: have your Ledger O’ Things updated regularly and no to buying the latest 20-function survival switchblade because let’s face it, that 16-function survival pen knife works just fine.

Livin’ in the Jungle: Adapting to Wildlife

Alright so this is probably the hardest: unlearning and learning. We’re all set in our own ways and as much as we hate to admit it – material things are mostly an extension of ourselves. We identify ourselves in most of the things we own, and we also identify ourselves with our rituals. What we use and how we use them is a method to express our inner beliefs and values – and this is perfectly normal until or unless it gets you into deep debt doo-doo.

Self-awareness is key: Why do you buy what you buy and use what you use? Could there be an alternative? Is there an emotional void (such as insecurity) that you are trying to fill? It can be painfully sobering but you need to have these private conversations with yourself. If it’s costing you money you don’t have, it is probably an attempt to compensate for something that is lacking (perceived or otherwise) in your life. Time to get honest with yourself, Tonto.

Break free: Compulsive-obsessive shoppers listen up! The more crap you have doesn’t necessarily make you happier – research has pointed this out again and again. Free space (physically and mentally) by giving away things you don’t or hardly use. Unlearn your dependency on “stuff” (ladies: that discombobulated collection of space-age choppers/slicers/dicers/mincers should be handed down to friends/children who are just moving in to a new home. There is nothing a couple of really good knives and a mortar and pestle cannot do). And gentlemen, call the guys over for beers and ribs and go over your Ledger O’ Things: barter trade extra things you may have or just give away things you don’t need. If you don’t have friends, offer to help your neighbour fix their treehouse or kitchen cabinets to clear that enormous stash of unused nails and all-purpose glue. It should then earn you some new friends (I hear they are more rewarding that well, extra nails and glue).

This also applies to other emotional dependencies: eating is a popular but touchy subject. If you won’t do it for your health, do it for your wallet. It is harder and more expensive to shop for plus size clothing (plus it is rare to bargain hunt for plus sizes) so it pays to drop a few pounds to get into regular sized clothing. I know that from experience. You can do it.

Learning is surviving: Best of all, learning new skills that will enhance your life in more ways than one. Love vegetarian dishes but don’t know how to make your own (other than salads)? Look for home cooks offering inexpensive classes. You’ll get to meet people of similar interests and who knows, learn a new marketable skill. Ditto for other activities: yoga, dancing, embroidery, carpentry, hair styling or jam making can be rewarding in more ways than you might anticipate.

When entertainment is scarce, make your own: People gripe about how kids are hard to please these days, and that they are not going to stay quiet unless you put expensive gadgetry in front of them. I don’t know when singing lullabies or playing bongo with milk tins got boring but I suspect it has something to do with adults not encouraging kids to enjoy the simpler things in life. Not everything has to revolve around digital media: musical instruments, Play Doh, cards and board games can provide endless hours of entertainment. Losing my smartphone taught me that: I read and wrote more, cooked for my family and friends more than I have done in the couple of years, went rock-climbing for the first time, re-organised my apartment, met with people I haven’t seen in ages, finally learnt the words to Adele songs, found interesting DIY beauty techniques, rediscovered my love for board games and most importantly of all – connected to people in a real, tangible way. Not on Facebook, but in person and I’m going back to writing letters whenever I can now.  (I have a smartphone now by the way, but it seems more like a nuisance than a convenience after being without for so long – it won’t stop beeping!)

So there you have it, more common sense than anything else and without the standard “save and invest” rhetoric which incidentally you should try to do on top of all of the above. The reality is in order to save or invest, people need to find extra cash to do this and it starts with finding corners to cut. It takes grit and perseverance but with sufficient planning, you should be on your way to a charting a successful strategy in battling, and surviving, the economic forces of our time.

Quintessentially Kuching

I was in Kuching recently for the 2013 Rainforest World Music Festival. Held at the Sarawak Cultural Village on the fringes of Mount Santubong, the festival is said to have originated some 16 years ago with a pilgrimage of 2,000-3,000 fans of international folk music. This has since grown tremendously; the previous year’s turnouts have breached the 20,000 mark and this was no exception this year.

I arrived quite late to Kuching on the first night of the festival and was in dire need of coffee, and a decent meal. Being a first timer, I had no idea where most of the shops were and found the streets surprisingly empty and quiet for a Friday night – very unusual for a city girl like me!

It was almost….creepy. Like a zombie movie.

Anyway, I explore a little way up the road and discover a coffeeshop called Bing!.

A cosy coffeeshop chain that serves illy coffee, a delightful range of cakes and Western fare, it was a little strange to be in Kuching having coffee with pistachio biscotti and a beef sausage platter instead of kolo mee (which I soon discover is EVERYWHERE in Kuching!). I rather enjoyed the long black; hot liquid liqourice alongside sunny scrambled eggs, a crisp and tangy salad, hot herb dinner roll and spicy foot long beef bangers. What more could a girl ask for?

Shortly after my companion in crime (CC) Emi arrived and we whizzed off to Santubong. It’s a bit of a drive from Kuching CBD; 40 minutes if you’re Venezuelan and 75 if you’re from Florida. Emi is a seasoned Kuala Lumpur driver so it took him a mere 30 minutes in his eggshell Perodua. What a rush!

We got tagged and made our way into the village. It is an amazing place; the expanse of it is quite astounding. There could have been less than 10,000 people on the first night but the weather was very cooperative so people were quite chilled out. An Irish band was performing and although I absolutely love Irish trad we were ridiculously tired from the day’s earlier dramas and left before midnight to get some well needed rest.

Saturday: 7.20am

I flop over in bed.

The steady sound of the fan blades chopping the air brings me up to speed: I’m in a town I’ve never been to. Rolling over to face the window, my body like a warm potato encased underneath the sheets, I catch a ray of sunlight forcing its way through the gap in the curtain. I decide to discover what’s out there and draw the curtains aside only to have blinding daylight slap me across the face like a possessed Chinese paper fan out for revenge.

Welcome to Kuching – the land where the sun shines like a 2,000 watt giant lightbulb (not complaining).

I potter around my room; orientating myself as one does when deciding to ‘backpack it’ instead of ‘suitcasing it’. I check my phone for places of interest and try to make plans on the fly (because it’s cooler!) and decide that plans were for old people so I was just going to walk out there and discover Kuching on my own.

No guide, no map – just my Havaianas and me.

First place of interest down the street was the Tua Pek Kong or Grand Uncle temple. According to the info signage, the temple survived unscathed during the WW2 bombings by the Japanese. Solid!

Tua Pek Kong is an architectural wonderment. Intricate stone carvings adorn the entire exterior of the temple along the main road, which curves to its grand red timber double-doors entrance. Two wood carvings of deities adorn the door fronts, and grey marble pillars etched with celestial dragons in the heavens front the entrance porch and that of the main prayer hall. 3D stone carvings and etchings of herons about seven feet tall grace bright red brick walls and carvings of celestial dragons, heron and children are perched on the jade-green rooftop tiles. An imposing stone-carved incense pot sits to the front of the main prayer hall, approximately the size of the world’s largest pumpkin except it has three legs and a really awesome black roof held up by – you guessed it – celestial dragons!

I stick my tongue out to guess the temperature – a sprightly 33 degress celcius, maybe 34. It was time to get me some local fare and there is no better place but a local coffee shop. A skip and a hop from Tua Pek Kong is Green Hill Road and on its corner is well, the Green Hill Corner.

I wander in and a few people stop to stare at this new stranger in town (or did I have “incoming victim” scrawled on my forehead?). It’s important to note that in Kuching town, the predominant dialect spoken is Hokkien and Mandarin so Cantonese speaking – or rather nanas like me – are often ‘chicken speaking to duck’ circus shows. I attempt to order and listen hard to the stall owner; they have run out of egg noodles but there were the short rice noodles I could try. She assured me there was pork (not sure why that was important?) and I sat down to wait for my meal. For some reason, I took a photo of the drinks menu. Actually in hindsight, this is really important for tourists – you need to know the displayed prices so you’re not going to get ripped off.

Like me.

I have no idea what this is called but technically it was a plate of short rice noodles dressed in lard, soy sauce, shallots, spring onions, pickled radish served with poached white fish, fresh grass prawns and some pork dumplings. It was quite tasty and not anything I’ve had before. And it cost me RM 5. I ordered iced coffee and it cost me RM 2.30.

I’m not going to say more now but I leave you to your own conclusions on the subject of honesty.

I decide to wander across Green Hill to what is known as Main Bazaar – a morass of shoplots selling antiquities, local craft, furniture and the odd kek lapis. I was determined to find some pieces for my apartment although I wasn’t quite sure what I was going for, other than a capiz shell curtain (retro, I know…can we all say “boudoir”?) It is really an amusing street and somewhat easy to get lost on your first foray but as they say in Kuching – you generally end up in the same place if you walk around enough.

The Main Bazaar faces the Waterfront and you’ll find there to be also temples, small eateries and even a boutique hotel. The Ranee caught my attention in particular, as I was drawn to its tasteful but quirky but antiquated interior decoration. I plan to stay here on my next trip to Kuching.

You technically orient yourself around Jalan Bishopgate (at least I found that useful) as it is on the fringe of Main Bazaar and Carpenter Street (aptly named after the vocation, which is predominant of the shops housed along the street).

You’ll find temples in odd places and even a street of gold – goldsmiths that is!

Amongst its peculiarities is the Surrey Bike. Tired of walking? Why not pedal? Surrey Bikes can be rented inexpensively to explore Kuching and is super fun if you have a few kidlets bored of being dragged by the arm around the streets.

It’s particularly hot this time of the year in Kuching and you can’t escape getting a lovely tan but you can take solace in an otherwise popular tourist bar called the James Brooke. Sitting along the Waterfront, one is beckoned to relax and soak in the languid, calming atmosphere of the park and waterway whilst sipping an icy cold beer. Very savvy on the pocket too, must I add at RM 9.00 – but you’d have to get past the sulky waiters first. Served on a wood-carved coaster (none of that faffy cardboard nonsense in these parts!) it is a reprieve from several hours of trudging in the hot sun.

That evening, my local guide takes me to Cafe Khatulistiwa for late supper over looking the Waterfront. A romantic amber glow illuminates the restaurant, which is designed as a modern day ‘hut’. A typically modern building on the outside, its interior is painted maroon and adorned with large wooden masks painted in a variety of colours. Light fixtures are made of rattan, casting an ethnic flavour across the dining room whilst Indonesian teledrama plays in the background.

I have beef satay and teh tarik, while Emi opts for stir-fried beef noodles. The portions here are generous to say the least, as the one dozen juicy beef skewers are placed in front of me. I couldn’t help but notice that it was hardly charred, and was lightly drizzled in brown sauce. Unlike barbecued schtick,  the beef satay resembled more of mini minute steaks on a skewer which was delightful since I wasn’t in the mood for chewing endlessly. The teh tarik was presented beautifully as well, its foamy dome glistening atop a semi-sweet steaming cup of milk tea.

We retire early that night, promising to make the next day better than today.

Sunday, 9am

I potter around my room, flipping through photographs on my phone from the night before when we visited the Rainforest World Music Festival. Due to poor lighting, I couldn’t take many photos but they were somewhat visible. After deliberating, I roused in search for some local fare – the famed kolo mee.

I stroll eastwards to Chinatown. Not as elaborate as the Main Bazaar, yet it holds its own here. Chinatown in Kuching is very much predominantly Chinese – Chinese shops, Chinese food, Chinese staff. It was like Kuala Lumpur in the 80s, if my memory serves me right.  I use the Cafe Khatulistiwa as my compass and head toward the bunch of cats in the middle of the street (contrary to popular comment, there are a few here. You have to know which one!)

So I wander past a couple of shops and something catches my eye.

A quaint coffeeshop, two tourists lounging at a table. A middle aged Chinese man operates the stall, looking like something out of the 60s. Reminiscent of my favourite noodle shop uncle from my childhood, who wore his signature white cotton shirt, white apron, neatly combed hair – was that Code 10? Something about this scene made me want to sit down and order a kolo mee and iced coffee.

So I did.

It’s important to note that alot of things in Kuching are less intense than West Malaysia. People here are in less of a hurry, drinks are served half as sweet as KL mamaks and food portions are mostly, double that of KL. The KL version of kolo mee is the ubiquitous wanton mee; egg noodles tossed in a medley of lard, soy sauce and sesame oil served with nuggets of fatty caramelised roast pork finished with a dash of pepper and sprinkling of chives.

Kolo mee is the national dish of Kuching, and it is served the way Kuchingites know it to be. I’ve tried kolo mee in KL and I must admit it has been engineered to the otherwise bastardised KLite tastebuds that crave intense flavours. First off, the noodles used in Kuching’s original kolo mee differs greatly from the standard egg noodles one finds in KL’s wanton mee. Here you have the straight, the curly and the rubberbands (mee pok). The texture and density of kolo mee is evident; it is almost chewy, with a starchy pull. Some claim it is like pan mee but I’d wager it is an amalgamation of pan mee and egg noodles. There is also something very slightly briny about its taste, very faint. “They use ‘mee udang’ here” was what Emi said. Maybe it’s made with some dried shrimp?

Anyway, back to raving about the dish.

It’s actually quite…well, incomplex.

Its dressed in lard, vinegar, pepper, salt, sesame oil topped with lightly caramelised slivers of roast pork, some minced pork and chives. In its defense, it reminds me of the  simple things in life: easy going, unpretentious and fulfilling. That to me, would be an apt description of the emotions kolo mee invokes during one’s first attempt at understanding it.

One my way back I pass a shop called “The Chinese Barbeque Specialist” and it was busy. For some reason, it had a medical ring to it and for a moment, I pictured pulling teeth next to the young lady hacking away at some poor, roasted dead animal. I put it down to an overdose of carbohydrates but vowed I’d be back to analyse what made them specialists.

Almost there now and I stop to snap a photo of perhaps Kuching’s most popular seafood haunt, the Top Spot. Situated on top of a parking lot, shining like a dusty blue topaz in the hot Borneo sun this is on every tourist’s must-eat list. It opens only at night though, so I was either going to make it, or not.

And to be quite honest I was not keen to be where most tourists have gone. I wanted something very few tourists have tried!

Further up the road was the Hills Shopping Centre and in there I scoped out a mini art exhibition. The metal structures were particularly interesting and expressive to me.

Albeit a simple exhibition of modern arts and cultural crafts, the exhibition kick started an interest in me for ethnic Borneo art and I made a mental note about visiting the museum while I was in town. It was time to roll up the hill to the hotel and get ready for our third and final night at the RWMF.  But before we headed out to Santubong, we visit the infamous Junk and Blablabla for dinner.

The atmosphere in Junk in quiet but we manage to take a few photos of its wall-to-wall antiquated and quirky decorative theme, chock-full of stuff people probably threw out while moving house in the 50s.

At Blablabla, the tables are quickly filling up.

A quick glance at the menu and around me indicated a few things: this was not a common Kuchingite restaurant. The menu is peppered with ingredients that aren’t common to small town gourmandines, and the prices were definitely much higher on the affordability scale compared to other places. It seemed more appropriate for KL city dining nevertheless it was a nice change to the hawker stalls and small cafes.

We savoured stuffed soft shell crabs topped with chicken floss, Chinese-style deep fried prawns in plum & tomato gravy served with deep fried mantou (rice flour buns), stir fried edible wild vine with chilli and grated parmesan, stir fried local mustard leaves with deep fried salted fish and lamb in “special sauce”  which was reminiscent of a HP and teriyaki sauce combination. It took the edge off my semi-backpacking experience and for a moment, I felt conscious about my broken nails and chipped manicure – which was hardly a concern when I was examining the intricacies of street food. But unlike KL, Kuchingites actually talk to your face and not your bag, shoes, nails or iPad so my otherwise gnarly talons went unnoticed.

Next: Discovering the beauty of Borneo craftsmanship and standing on the edge wondering “When did they bring in the horse sh*t?”

Sacrilegeous: a state of mind?

I’ll be the first to admit: don’t throw rocks at glass houses, unless you can run pretty fast or no one is at home. But there are days when you think “Ok, I can be an arse but I couldn’t imagine there is a bigger one out there?”
Let’s assume you’re Catholic, and let’s assume you’re sitting in line for the priest’s precious three minutes to listen to you list your misgivings.
Suddenly, a few people join in waiting but they appear to be oblivious to you.
When your turn arrives, a boy cuts in. When he is done, his mother jumps in (literally) even though you have already stood up to wait your turn. Then before the next person jumps the queue, you have to politely tell them you have been waiting for the last 30 minutes. Then when it IS your turn, an old lady attempts to cut in and you think:

Well, what the hell.
Maybe she needs it more than I do.

It’s a pretty big thing to miss communion on Christmas Day, especially when you have been looking forward to it. But you think “Oh well, I’ll live. It’s the mass that I look forward to”.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve mass and in particular, shine the spotlight on the priest’s sermon. So we all know that when Jesus was born, there was “no room at the inn”. This was expanded upon, as an analogy to question the room in our hearts for Christ. One would expect the typical roll call – the act of omission for the poor and needy, the maginalisation of migrants and the intolerance of others who different, such as gay people. This will then follow with a call to all parishioners to open their hearts and minds, and reflect on scripture to find in us the will to love more and judge less.

At least, that’s how I remembered it.

But it went something like this:
“Nowadays, women don’t look like women…you would assume they were a woman from the back, but later find out otherwise. Now, it’s cool to be gay…”

And then there was some vitriol about politics and voting.

For a moment, you might be forgiven to think that you were at a pro Nazi speech party.

I’m sure it has been said before, that politics and religion just don’t make a cosy companionship and this is not exempt from church pulpit. I recall years ago in bible study, having asked Father Joachim about the church’s view on homosexuality and he said:

“God wants us to hate the sin, not the sinner”

It was simply refreshing, like a shot of frozen grappa up the nostrils.

This simple but profound advice was a little shocking to the jammy line-painters, but it made complete sense to the rest of us. It is this thought paradigm that allows us to function wholly as Christians, borne from the scripture of 1 John 4:8 “God is love”. Religion should be used as a tool for tolerance, compassion and inclusiveness – not as the pedestal for marginalisation, judgement and righteousness. Faith is not the ability to recant a compendium of scripture; it is the ability to interpret it in accordance to our current time and apply that insight to the challenges we face as people.

Yes, people.

Faith and religion is not a weapon to be used on others as a measure if one’s holiness or creed (history has many examples of how that has gone horribly wrong). It is a mirror of our willingness to commit to the one thing God has asked of us, that is to show others His love annd grace. Regardless of our beliefs or attachments, all religions inherently teach us to be good and compassionate. So why do we turn it into a tool that hates? Why is it that we pick specific scripture to justify our prejudices and not to teach us how to help others make peace with their demons, and God?

And scare people into voting by calling it sacrilegeous if one decides to stay home and not vote? Is voting not an act of free will?
Perhaps one may start to contemplate on a personal capacity to practice humanitarinism – that is, by first acknowledging that one is imperfect yet beautiful and then extending that understanding unto others. That if we begin to see that the world is what we make of it; if we choose to ocstracise instead of help others now, our children may very likely be the victims of ocstracisation then we may not be so quick to draw our religious or political boxes so deeply that we vote ourselves off the humanity list.

I wasn’t moved by this year’s sermon as I have been for so many years; I didn’t shed a tear as I normally would when the thanksgiving hymm was sung. It doesn’t mean that Christmas was less meaningful for me, in fact I reflected on this imperfect sermon to find greater meaning in my journey with Christ.

May your Christmas be imperfectly profound, so that you too may have a richer journey with God.

Penang Pandemonium

This is long due (over a month!) but it has been manic. Countdown 5 days to Christmas now, and we’re only just trying to close some aspects of work, a couple of job cards still pending and looking to plan the rest of 2013 out. Nevertheless, this is the Penang food trail story was until now, untold.

Durian Cendol – the Kek Seng original.

Hot off the bridge, we were scurried into a little coffeeshop called Kek Seng on Penang Road. Famed for its Durian Cendol, this is a novel  experience for the tourist. I didn’t quite fancy the lump of ice at the bottom and the taste sensation was a little diluted but perhaps this is the original method of preparation.

Petite portions of assam laksa is served here. An honest to goodness broth, with generous toppings of herbs and condiments make this a simple but satisfying first taste of Penang.

Sea Pearl Lagoon Cafe Barbequed Crabs, Tanjung Tokong

After we checked in, unpacked, unloaded and jumped around on the bed to assess spring quality we headed out to the Sea Pearl Lagoon Cafe. A seaside restaurant tucked deep in the village of Tanjung Tokong, this establishment is famed for its smoky barbequed seafood. We opted for crabs, which strangely enough is served sans legs but with air filters intact. I was a little unnerved by having to dig out crab guts and lungs in the process of eating this but the fresh, smoky flavours were worth the experience. They serve this with a Thai-style chilli sauce, which I thought was a little anti-climatic as a Hainanese concoction would have justified it completely.

Kimberley Road Oh-Chien.

We were then whisked off to Kimberley Road for the infamous 30-Minute Penang Mee Wait. While waiting, we tucked into the other infamous dish: Oh-Chien (Oyster Omelette). This alluring dish is prepared with some starch and a lot of oil, so if you’re aiming to be on a diet don’t even venture this way. But it hits high on the tasting notes; silky in texture, with a dense and custard-like bite. The fresh oysters were instrumental in making this dish one of my best experiences yet with Oh-Chien.

On the way to the next stop we get caught in a jam and turns out there’s a show and lights parade on the street. Something or other to do with a Chinese deity celebration but it was quite fancy (loud music and neon lights were in order!)

Anyway, we took a few twists and turns to escape the roadblocks and had to reset the GPS a few times to get out. Once we escaped however we went looking for hot almond milk served with fried crullers, a Penang original.

Hot almond milk dessert with fried cruller.

I have to say that this was probably my best experience with almond milk: the first time I tried it, it tasted like a bottle of nail varnish. Maybe this was laden with sugar, and the texture reminded me of thick soy milk but nevertheless it was alot more pleasant than I had anticipated. Taken with a bit of fried cruller, it was quite nice overall.

The next morning, the troops and I were dead set on vising Pulau Tikus for some local goodies. We dropped into New Cathay Cafe, a hot house of local hawker fare. First up was apom, a local pancake made with milk and a healthy dose of whipped egg white and sugar.

Apom light as feather at New Cathay Cafe, Pulau Tikus.

If it looks good, it tasted even better. Unlike the doughy, heavy versions in KL this apom was a giant edible sunflower. Its edges were light as butterfly wings, with a cottony centre that melted away in your mouth. Absolutely stunning!

Mee Jawa

The Mee Jawa in Penang is unlike the KL version, which can be particularly starchy and sometimes terribly bland. The otherwise thick gravy was strong on tomato, potato, lime and pepper. Served with fried keropok and a boiled egg, this was a simple pleasure. The char kuey teow was not characteristically outstanding however it was good. I thought the Penang Mee here was better than the version on Kimberley Road and require much less wait time too!

Char Kuey Teow

Penang Mee

Kuey Chap

If there was one thing I could barely stomach, it was Kuey Chap. For some bizarre reason, I thought it was duck (I later learnt that neither “kuey” nor “chap” is duck in Hokkien). Literally, it means “spare parts noodles” and it was a cacophony of pig intestines, unnamed organs and noodles in a dark soup that was slightly reminiscent of bak kut teh. My first attempt was a failure as the organ meat was rather overpowering and I left it to my braver confidantes to clear this one out.

Fried radish cake.

We did however try some fried radish cake (it looked really good on its way to another table!) but it was a slight disappointment. The darkness of the dish was a result of generous amounts of soy sauce and not quite the “wok fire” usually required of such a dish.

Hameediyah Restaurant, Lebuh Campbell.

Before we took to the bridge though, we had yet a mission to complete. No trip to Penang is holy without a pilgrimage to Hameediyah Restaurant in Lebuh Campbell. This establishment is renowned for its decadent briyani rice, mutton curry and murtabaks. My last visit here was three years ago, and it felt a little like coming home.

Some old man rocks this joint.

This gentlemen made my murtabak last and he was here to do it again. The portions are large and they are worth every cent!

At the end of this rainbow, you find a pot of fried chicken.

Preserved fruit from Chowrasta Market.

We then head off to Chowrasta Market in search of sweet treats, particularly preserved fruit. About half the price and twice the flavour of the ones you get in KL, these inexpensive and tasty gems are great gifts for friends whenever you are in Penang.

Last stop laksa at Jooi Hooi Cafe.

Just to be sure we didn’t waste this trip, we decided on a last “kopek” at Penang hawker fare by looking up assam laksa near Komtar. Many moons ago, a colleague brought me to this bus depot in search for some fabulous assam laksa run by Malay lady in a strip of roadside stalls. Komtar has changed considerably, and in place of the stalls is a KFC. Of course, Google came in handy and we soon found nearby Jooi Hooi Cafe, the purveyor of assam laksa and cendol.

Served to you in a seating booth so small, you may be forgiven to think you were eating too much in Penang (or overstaying your welcome!)

Last “kopek” assam laksa and cendol

Was this worth the trouble? Absolutely! The chunky broth topped with fresh pineapples, onions, herbs and condiments served with a generous side of prawn paste was almost mind blowing. Just a touch spicy, but nothing the cold chunky cendol of coconut milk and palm sugar could not solve.

So there you have it, the low down of my Penang trip with three foodies. Hopefully we will be able to make it again next year, with more time to explore the wonders this little island has to offer and possibly with a lot more boot space for take-away briyani and preserved fruit.